We're Not Going to Count the Days Anymore

Found this in the archives from February 2020. It's time to publish it:

Time is so relative.

A month could take forever to pass;
Or it could flash right before your very own eyes.

I've gone and come back so many times now, but it all comes down to one thing: I always return.

I started this blog with the goal of always being active, thinking that I could express my heart and soul on here, but I haven't been doing it.

All I know is that I've filled up my body with so much pain and love that I have begun to associate the two with each other. One cannot exist without the other.

This internal pain is caused by so much: not being able to manage emotions, pushing others away and putting walls up to protect oneself therefore losing empathy, purposefully letting oneself down... I could go on and on. I have begun to fall in love with feeling this way though, because all I need is myself, right?

I used to think I was a good person for helping others, but I realized I did it for my own good. It made me feel like I was making up for lost time where I could have been nice but I CHOSE to be mean or rude or uncaring. Why? Because I thought those walls could protect me.

Life is short. Take risks and stop limiting yourself. Stop trying to make up for past mistakes.

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."